Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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