I'm lost and stupid without you.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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