will power is for people who don't want to get laid
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
