I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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