the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
