I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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