Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
