Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
