are you still at the devil's house?
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
