I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
we're making bets on your personal life
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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