I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize