my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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