super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize