dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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