hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
