i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
