??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
