I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
