I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
