things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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