I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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