It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
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