Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
