Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
