are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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