she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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