i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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