She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
