Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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