If i could tip my vagina, i would.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
