i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
