I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Randomize