All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
