What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize