Already got asked if we're dating
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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