We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
