Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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