Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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