He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
