i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
