Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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