I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
