Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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