sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
