how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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