did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
