Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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