Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize