Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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