Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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