i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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