Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
