Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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