Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
