i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
