Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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