forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
