I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
