One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
