so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
