You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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