doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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