the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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