I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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