I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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